The Power of Relationships and Support Systems (My Story - Part 2)

By surrounding yourself with people who lift you up—and by offering support in return—you’ll find that the path to success and satisfaction becomes much more manageable.

In the journey toward creating a balanced, fulfilling life, one of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that you can’t do it all alone. Behind every successful person is a community—whether it’s a close-knit family, supportive friends, or professional mentors. These relationships provide not only emotional support but also practical assistance when life gets overwhelming.

In Part 2 of this series, we’ll explore the role of relationships and support systems in navigating the complexities of life. I’ll share some of my own experiences in building a support network, both personally and professionally, and how these connections became the cornerstone of my success and well-being.

Community Is Family: Finding Strength in Support

When I first started building my career as a doctor, I was faced with the challenge of balancing an incredibly demanding profession with my desire to have a personal life. It wasn’t long before I realized that my friends and neighbors—especially fellow working moms—would become some of the most important people in my life.

I’ve always believed in the saying, “It takes a village.” This became especially true during the years when I was juggling my medical practice, raising two young boys, and trying to maintain a healthy marriage. My close friends, Steph and Jenny, became my family in every way that mattered. Together, we created our own informal support network, sharing dinners, babysitting duties, and much more.

This support system, which we playfully called “The Cedar Street Crowd,” was not just about convenience; it was about survival. We weren’t just helping each other with practical tasks—we were lifting each other up in ways that kept us all grounded and sane.

For example, when my career became overwhelming or when I felt the pressures of motherhood weighing me down, I knew I could count on Steph or Jenny for a no-judgment conversation. Whether it was dropping off dinner on a hectic weeknight or taking over babysitting duties so I could have a much-needed date night with Alex, our little co-op became an indispensable part of my life.

The lesson here is simple: Community matters. Whether it’s a formal co-op or an informal group of friends, having people who can share the load—emotionally and practically—makes all the difference.

Navigating Marriage and Partnership: Sharing the Load

Of course, the most central relationship in my life has been my marriage to Alex. We’ve been through countless ups and downs—from long-distance stints during graduate school to the birth of our two boys, Will and Hank. Through it all, we’ve learned that partnership isn’t about keeping score or dividing tasks evenly; it’s about showing up for each other in meaningful ways, even when the going gets tough.

I often tell the story of how Alex and I navigated the early years of parenthood. At the time, I was running a busy hospitalist practice while still learning the ropes of being a new mom. There were nights when I would come home utterly exhausted, barely able to make it through Will’s bedtime routine without falling asleep myself. But we made it work, largely because we had developed an understanding that neither of us could do it all—and that we didn’t have to.

Partnership is about recognizing each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and offering support where it’s needed most. When Alex’s work required frequent travel to Asia, we relied on a network of family and friends, as well as hired help like nannies and au pairs, to keep things running smoothly at home. It wasn’t always easy, but by sharing the load—and not being afraid to ask for help—we were able to maintain a strong partnership and a healthy family life.

The key here is communication. Too often, we fall into the trap of thinking we need to do everything ourselves or expecting our partners to read our minds. But real partnership requires constant, honest communication about what you need and what you can give at any given moment. Sometimes, that means asking your partner to step in when you’re overwhelmed. Other times, it means recognizing when they need a break and stepping up to fill the gap.

Workplace Support: The Power of Collaboration

Support systems don’t just exist in our personal lives; they’re also critical to our success in the workplace. Early in my career, I was fortunate to work with a team that valued collaboration over competition. As a young doctor navigating the intense world of medicine, having mentors and colleagues who supported me made all the difference.

One of the most significant turning points in my career came when I was working at Sequoia Hospital. I was building a hospitalist practice, overseeing a growing team of doctors, and trying to carve out a leadership role for myself. During this time, I developed a close relationship with the hospital’s CEO, who became both a mentor and a champion of my work.

She recognized that I had a vision for creating a sustainable, flexible work environment for doctors, particularly those with families. Together, we worked to design a schedule that prioritized work-life balance, breaking away from the traditional “seven days on, seven days off” model. By creating a more manageable, sustainable system, we not only improved the quality of care for patients but also created a supportive environment for the doctors themselves.

This experience taught me the importance of finding mentors and allies in the workplace. It’s not enough to simply work hard and hope for the best. Building a career—especially in demanding fields like medicine—requires building relationships with people who can advocate for you, support your vision, and help you navigate the inevitable challenges.

The Role of Outsourcing in Building a Support Network

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my journey as a working woman is that it’s okay to ask for help. In fact, it’s essential. Whether it’s hiring a nanny, enlisting the help of friends, or outsourcing tasks that drain your energy, creating a support network that works for you is one of the best things you can do for your well-being.

For me, this became especially important when I had my second child, Hank. By that point, I had learned that trying to do it all was a recipe for burnout. So, I made a conscious decision to outsource the things that didn’t require my personal touch—from grocery shopping to household chores—and focus on the things that truly mattered to me, like spending quality time with my boys and building my career.

One of the most life-changing decisions we made as a family was hiring an au pair. Our au pair became an integral part of our household, providing not only childcare but also a sense of stability and support that allowed me to focus on my career without feeling like I was sacrificing my role as a mother. It was a game-changer, and it reinforced my belief that asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a form of self-care.

The Takeaway: You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

In Part 2 of this series, I hope I’ve made one thing clear: You don’t have to do it all alone. Whether it’s through friendships, partnerships, workplace collaborations, or outsourcing, building a support network is one of the most powerful tools you have in your journey toward a fulfilling life.

None of us can do everything, and that’s okay. What matters most is recognizing where you need help and being willing to accept it. By surrounding yourself with people who lift you up—and by offering support in return—you’ll find that the path to success and satisfaction becomes much more manageable.

In the final part of this series, we’ll dive into the concept of redefining success and satisfaction. We’ll explore how letting go of perfectionism and embracing your own unique path can lead to a more joyful and meaningful life. Stay tuned!